


this heart of yours is cracking (i will put it back together and paint it golden)

by olivemartini



Series: All The Lovely Ones Have Scars [17]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Drabble, F/M, First Kiss, Pre-Iron Man, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 19:01:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14900177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemartini/pseuds/olivemartini
Summary: It's inevitable, really, that they try this at least once.(a.k.a- Tony and Pepper's first kiss that they had before their official first kiss.)





	this heart of yours is cracking (i will put it back together and paint it golden)

**Author's Note:**

> SUPER short drabble for you guys, still hope you like it.

When it happens, soft and slow and like he is giving her enough time to pull away if she suddenly decided that this wasn't what she wanted, Pepper is struck by the thought that it is inevitable they try this at least once.

In her head, its like the whole time they've been together has been leading up to this moment, where she lets herself let go of the idea of propriety and the people watching and the good of her career for one moment and thinks only of Tony,  _blindingly_ of Tony, like her world begins and ends with his involvement in it, so when she says something that hits a bit too close to home and he sets down his drink, walks around the kitchen counter and steps up close to her, steering her to him with just a touch of the elbows, the thought of pulling away doesn't even come into her head.  

"No one's ever looked at me the way you do,"  He says, almost unconsciously tightening his grip, and Pepper closes her eyes, tries to remember what this feels like, because she knows ( _hopes?_ ) that come morning, he would not remember.  There are a lot of nights between them that he is either not remembering or not mentioning, where he plies her with wine in exchange for her not commenting on how he has taken to drinking his super expensive whiskey by the bottle and he moves through the next morning like his brain has been wrapped up in a fog.  It's probably a bad thing that this makes her more confident, but its a nice idea, the fact that even if this goes terribly wrong, all she has to do is wait for him to sleep off the memories before she gets a do-over.  Even with all that she rages against Tony, Pepper has to admit there is comfort in the idea of giving yourself up to oblivion, where nothing ( _good or bad, and she does not which one she is hoping this turns out to be_ ) can stick to you.  "Like I'm something worth keeping."

"Of course you are,"  she says in one breath, clutching tighter to him, almost afraid to touch him, because she is still counting things in her head, like how many drinks he's had and how many other girls he has promised to love and how expensive the shirt she is ruining really is, and then in another moment she adds "shut up," because she wants him to shut up, wants him to stop talking, to not ruin this, because the more time he gives her the faster her reasons of never, ever,  _ever_ crossing this line will coming flooding back, and because Pepper is a sensible woman, she does not know how long she will be able to keep ignoring common sense.  

"You can stop me."  He was hanging back from her on purpose, and Pepper is glad, because as much time as she has spent wishing that she was one of the girls he had brought home for the night, she has seen the way he is with them, like he thinks they are going to melt away into thin air any moment and he must devour them while he can, leech all the love they might be able to give him in the course of one night so he does not feel bad about turning them away the next morning.  Pepper likes the parallel, because if that is how he is with the girls that he does not want to say, this -the way he is holding her like he thinks she might bruise if he grips too hard, the way his eyes are darting over her face like a question, the shakiness in his breathing- must mean that he wants her to stay.  That out of all of them, Pepper is the one who gets to be permanent.  "You're going to have to stop me, Pepper."

"I don't want to."  If there was ever a time for a grand declaration it would be now, and Pepper is half tempted to do it, throw all caution to the wind and announces it right here in his kitchen for no reason at all, just stare at him and say  _I love you, Tony Stark, and it is the most exquisitely painful thing that I have had the good fortune of feeling,_ job security be damned, but even now she cannot make herself face the possibility of losing him.  She would do anything it takes to keep being that person who gets to stay.  "I don't want it to stop."

Tony closes his eyes, once, taking in a breath that sounds like he is in pain, and before Pepper could bother to worry if they are about to make a mistake he is kissing her, and even though she has thought about this a million times before, she had not expected it to be like this, where he seems to be holding himself back, like she is something fragile, something breakable, like he is only waiting for the moment that she realizes standing here, being with him, letting him put his hands on her, was going to be the thing to ruin her.

(That's the thing about Tony- despite all evidence to the contrary, he is still convinced that he is going to ruin everything he touches.  Pepper does not know how to convince him otherwise.  She does not imagine that this is going to help.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on Instagram @olive.writes.fanfic


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